It's been 2 months since my last blog post, and it feels like it.  But I am back, and jumping in.

Life with 3.

Twins will be 3 in December.

Maggie is 6 months old.

Alex and I are 2 years away from 30 and will have our 10 year High School Reunion this year.

WHAT.  IS.  TIME.

Life is what you see on social media, funny, entertaining, draining, adorable, full of energy and already decorated for Christmas (no shame).  But so much of our life isn't on Instagram stories/ posts.  And hence, the blog. So I am already setting the intention for 2019 (feels SO STRANGE to say that) to blog more.  I know I've said that before but now that MJ is older and I can plan out our days more, it seems more attainable.  We will see.

LIFE UPDATE:

Winter has hit KC and hit us with two snow falls before Thanksgiving.  I think it's more snow than we've had in the past 4 years.  The twins absolutely LOVED every snowflake of it.  It's been fun seeing them experience it with a more energetic view (last year they were scared of it) and an excitement about it.

 They are L-O-V-I-N-G school this year.  And by loving, I mean once I peel them off my leg and sneak away, they do great.  This past week they both reluctantly got in the car, and held onto my neck tightly and screamed bloody murder as I tried to leave.  It was, not fun.  But when I go back to pick them up, they are always all smiles and can't wait to show me their art projects and tell me about their day.  So it all makes up for it.  The one day a week without them has been a GODSEND for me, as bad as that sounds.  But time alone with MJ is really priceless these days.  She is such a sweet, funny, attentive little girl and she's so young still.  Strange to already see so much personality in someone so small.  Having more than one kiddo is challenging to "split your time" and life starts to feel like you're "running a race" and will never reach the finish line, but this time spent with just my youngest is giving me life right now.

As MJ gets older, things get somewhat more "manageable" than they were when she was a newborn.  I feel like I can plan for our days a little easier, knowing she eats 4-5 times a day and normally takes two naps (morning and afternoon, and sometimes evening, depending on the day).  I was a ROUTINE, SCHEDULE mama with the twins.  I was able to write down when they ate, napped, pooped (not really) but basically I could leave them with a sitter or family believing that my tiny notebook with the written routine would guide the sitter to a perfect day/ evening.  With Maggie, she is all things flexible and really sticks to no true routine.  She sort-of has to be with twins for siblings.  If she wakes up at 7, I plan a nap for around 9:30/10... if she looks tired.  If she wakes up at 8:30, we plan a trip to the library or park and hope to get her down for a nap upon returning home.  Each day is different and each day she is content to "go with the flow".

I have good days, amazing days, bad days and really bad days.  No week is the same.  I can't even begin to write down every little funny thing the twins say...trust me, I wish I could.  There's a couple of things that stick out in my mind that my sweet babies ask me weekly.  "Are you frustrated?" and "Are you happy?"  Excuse me while my heart melts on the floor.  Yes, I have my frustrating days.  Emmy still struggles with potty training, and that drains me most days.  But my God, YES YES YES I am happy.  And I am so blessed to say that to my babies.

I hope you all have a very Happy Thanksgiving.  We are spending it with family and we can't wait to eat everything.

See you soon.

Lauren

 Maggie has been getting her time in with some futures besties, one born a few months before and one two days after.  I really do love having friends (new and old) at the same stage we are at in life.

THIS GIRL.  THIS SASS.

Such a happy happy girl.  And huz. 

Alright.  This librarian.  She is just the best.  And the twins LOVE her story time.  We are hooked and will probably go until they are ready for Kindergarten. 

This year we went to Boo at the Zoo... and so did 10,000 other Kansas City residents.  It just so happened to be a 70° and gorgeous, so we knew what we were getting ourselves into.  But, it was worth it.  So worth it.  And KC in the fall, may bueno.

Emmy has started to ask to feed Mags, and my heart melted.  And she grabbed the bottle and jumped right in.  My girls!

Auntie spoiling them with donuts... there's nothing better.

3 vs. 1

Overwhelmed.  Exhausted.  Pulled in different directions.

My life dramatically changed when MJ arrived and changed the daily dynamic of 2 v. 1 to 3 v. 1.  I've heard it MILLIONS of times: "I don't know how you do it/ did it with twins."  And my thoughts are always the same.  That was "easy" compared to this outnumbered feeling.

Alex and I always planned on having a big family.  We still want more (if you can believe it) and we *somewhat* thrive in the madness.  It's busy, its fast paced, there are many tears shed (from kids and adults) but our lives would be so bare without these crazy little babies that invaded our home faster than fruit flies.

I decided to write this post, not to scare people but to offer my sage advice on self care for the mama. And to include my personal journey of coming very close to just loosing my mind with the lack of control I felt in my life.

The beginning was the hardest.  When Maggie was a newborn and feeding all the time, my biggest struggle was finding the time to entertain and busy 2 active toddlers while staying very close to home and caring for a brand new baby.  When I had the twins and they were newborns, things felt in control, quiet, clean and structured.  This has felt very much the opposite.  I'm in no way saying that having one baby is perfect, you just have time for things that you just WILL NOT have time for when the household shifts and toddlers are involved.  We also started potty training when Maggie was like 10 weeks old... not her... the twins... and that was insane.  But we survived.  And you will too.  But again, many tears shed.

As MJ got older, things got better because she was feeding less often and the twins were more experienced with potty training.  I also felt like we could leave the house and try the park and library more since I felt better about them telling me when they needed to use the toilet and Maggie took great carseat naps.

Recently, the most helpless I've felt has been when I was at a park, breastfeeding Maggie and Emmy gave me her "I have to poop but we are too far from the bathroom so I'm going to hold it in" face and I saw her across the playground.  There was nothing I could do.  Helpless.  So, after she held it in and I got through not my proudest moment of motherhood (telling her to hold it in) we made it up to the bathroom and she tried again.  My thoughts on this?  It happens.  Shit happens.  Things happen and will my kids remember how flustered I was in that moment?  Probably not.  Will they remember that we were at their favorite park after a long week of inside play?  Hopefully yes.

Parenting is one of the hardest and emotionally exhausting things I've ever done.  Mothering *3 under 3* day in and day out can be mundane and I often feel like I'm in another version of Groundhog Day. But I am CONSTANTLY reminding myself: stay in this time period.  Don't wish it away.  Take pictures when you can.  Love the mess you are living in because it can all be taken away so fast and you'll wish for it back with all your might.

I'll share a few of the things that help me take care of myself during my states of overwhelm.

Self Care for an Overwhelmed Mama

1. Yoga/ Exercise

When I can get this in, its my favorite form of release.  I have tried to schedule it during the afternoon naps (where hopefully all 3 are asleep) and I have to force myself to skip all chores.  It's so tempting to finish those dishes that have been there since the morning, or start that laundry, put toys away, etc... basically things I can't do with all 3 babes awake.  I push the 36 toys on my living room floor away and I start a workout.  Here are some of my go-to at home workouts.

• Any Jillian Micheals DVD's.  Her workouts are typically 20, 30 or 45 minute workouts and she WORKS YOU.  I always feel satisfied after.
• Yoga With Adrienne.  She is such a calming presence.  This was the main way I took control of my workouts after the twins were born.  It was a way to slowly rebuild my muscle, gain strength, practice breathing and calming techniques during my moments of overwhelm, etc.  I highly recommend her.  Start with her 30 days of Yoga.  She will take you from beginner with no experience to feeling comfortable to attend regular yoga classes.
• Rebecca Louise.  She is amazing.  Her accent is beautiful and her energy is addicting.  I love how quick her workouts are and how real they are to accomplish.  Sometimes I'll choose 3 of her 10 minute videos (abs, butt and arms) and my 30 min workout flies by.
• Insanity.  This one is rare for me.  But I have it in my back pocket for days I need my butt kicked.  Even if I do 40% of the total workout, I feel better.

2.  Lists of Goals

• I just recently bought this planner.  It's life changing for me.  I can look at my week ahead, plan my to-do lists, grocery, meals, and feel like I'm accomplishing things.  It helps to sort things out in my mind and makes the weeks seem more structured.
• Just write it down.  Whenever I feel scrambled and overwhelmed, it really helps me to just start writing the things I would like to do.  I don't let that list get too long because that's not attainable.  Just 3 things a day and it can be as simple as, unload the dishwasher, write a thank you note and check my work email.  Once I've accomplished those 3 things anything else I add onto my day is *extra*.

3.  Masking/ Nails

• Invest in some nice face masques to do in the evenings after the babies go to sleep.  I've been loving the ones from Eminence.  I use their cleansers too, so when I tried their masques I found my new favorite weekly unwind.  Some of my favorites are the Bright Skin, Coconut Cream and the Eight Greens Phyto.
• Do your nails or get them done.  This always makes me feel better and more put together.  I can't explain why, but a pretty fall color on your nails will cure all states of stress and overwhelm.

4.  Food

• Eat well.  And I don't necessarily mean eat healthy 24/7.  Ya'll deserve an oreo (or 7) after taking care of tiny humans all day.  There are some days that I'll hit 12:30 and realize I haven't eaten a single thing.  DON'T DO THIS.  Force yourself to eat something... anything and eat it well.  Even if it means packing the kids up and running through Starbucks to get yourself a Bacon and Gouda sandwich (do it, it's worth it).  Go to Trader Joes, buy that expensive greek yogurt you like.  Get yourself nourishment.  You need it to feel you and to take care of babies.  I know this is dumb, but like I said, I don't always eat and I think that can add to me feeling unwell and inadequate as a mama.

5.  Blogging

• This outlet hasn't been used as much as it was when I had the twins, but it's still in my lineup of go-to's.  I love blogging.  I love having an idea and running with it.  I love being able to write and express myself and hopefully hit on something YOU could use in your life.  Even if it's just a laugh.

Hope this helps!  Hope you can find ways to spoil yourselves and please remember... if a mom ever tells you they aren't overwhelmed.... they are more than likely lying.  It will happen and has happened to all of us.

Thanks for reading, thanks for loving us and thank for allowing along in our crazy life.

Be back soon.

Lauren

My guac making/ guac eating helpers

First day of Pre-Pre school!

Making new friends and eating at our favorite place in the entire world: Chik-Fil-A

Trip to the Eye Doctor for Mom's "sick eyes" ///   Took all 3 babes.  And we survived.

Minnesota for my cousins wedding!  Took a boat ride and we found out Emmy has some sea sick issues.  She was very happy to be back on land. 

Buddy was living his best life though.

4 month old MJ!

Sass to the 5th Degree 

Park Day!

We are READY for FALL!

Milk Drunk

Breastfeeding

Maggie is 3 months old this weekend and I've kept her alive and growing from my body and my body alone.  It's awesome to be able to say that but this journey has been anything but easy.

Milk Drunk

From the beginning, I never put the pressure on myself to breastfeed.  If I could, then I would.  If I couldn't, then formula was great too.  Formula was excellent for the twins and I knew it was a huge possibility that I would need it again.  But I powered through the first 6 weeks.  Everyone tells you it gets easier after the first 6 weeks.  But hearing that as a new mom, while my nipples were bleeding and throbbing in pain, was not reassuring.

Those first 6-10 weeks were brutal.  I'll be honest here.  Having never really gone through with it with the twins, it was a shock to my system and definitely something that took practice.  I had SO much pain early on.  Cringing and crying as each latch burned and sent electric shocks through my body was a pain unlike what I anticipated.  After an appointment with a lactation consultant, I found out that MJ had/has a pretty recessed chin and my latch was creating more of a problem.  With a few tips and some magical nipple serum from the Holistic Pharmacy in town, things began to get better with each feed.

Looking back, it all went by fast but in the moment, those long nights seemed to drag on and last forever.  Since then, breastfeeding has been great.  Exhausting at times, but so great.  I've had moments of bonding with Maggie that I didn't feel/ get with the twins.  My body has regulated and knows when MJ is ready to eat.  The human body is INSANE.  Amiright?

I started my call shift back to work in the middle of July.  I've been able to get a great supply going in the freezer for the nights I am called in.  Again, something I never had with the twins.  She doesn't seem to take a bottle very well, but being the nice 'plump' size she is, my pediatrician said she's not worried if she skips a meal and might skip one because of not liking the bottle.  Again, one of those things we will have to practice.  Luckily, I have a very patient husband who is the one that bottle feeds her so I don't have to worry about it.

Breastfeeding in public is a pretty hot topic on social media.  I haven't ever felt uncomfortable about it and am still pretty awkward at it.  The biggest struggle for me was ( and still is)  finding clothing that worked.  I was at my in-laws and needed to feed MJ in a dress that was totally NOT nursing friendly.  Thankfully I was in a comfortable place I could have privacy and it wasn't an issue that I was sitting with my dress around my neck but lord help me if I was out and about.  It's like wearing a romper out, you know eventually you will be butt naked in the bathroom.  I know some women are comfortable flaunting the boob, and I really think that is awesome... more power to you and I salute you.  I feel more comfortable with a cover and I've been using the ones from Bebe au Lait.  I found its light weight, easy to see MJ and really covers well.

I won't leave you with any advice really, if you are a mama-to-be.  It's hard to give advice strongly one way or the other because every BODY and PREGNANCY are different.  I have my experiences from both sides and that's all I can speak to.  But with that, I'll give my (unsponsored) opinion on my favorite nursing friendly bra.  It's from HATCH and it's seriously changed my life.  So comfortable AND supportive, which was hard for me to find.  It's a little pricey but so so worth it friends.  And I will definitely wear it far after I'm done breastfeeding.

I will say, this babe is VERY flexible when it comes to feeding time.  She has been schlepped around the house, chasing potty training toddlers, still attached to my boob.  This meme has never been more real to me:

IT'S SO TRUE.  I can't.  But she's a trooper.  But in the quiet moments I feed her at night when the twins go down, it's so calming and peaceful.  I just love it, and soak it up best I can.

I've given myself goals with breastfeeding and my first one was 3 months.  Having almost made it there, I'm damn proud.  The next one is 6 months.  But again, not putting pressure on myself.  That's why they are goals and not hard stops.  From the stories I've heard, some babies decide when they are done.

To the mama's who have had this journey and seen it end or are having it currently, I am totally inspired by you.  Thank you for being an inspiration and for the time spent feeding a tiny human from your body.  To the mama's who tried and felt like a failure when they couldn't, DON'T.  You grew a human.  You kept that human alive the best way you knew how.  You made sure that human had a mama that was strong, healthy and sound of mind, body and soul.  I am also inspired by you.

I'm working on another blog post about feeling outnumbered (3 vs 1).  My life has felt that way lately.  Look for that in the next month :)

Until then,
Lauren