I remember...

Thursday, August 22, 2019

It's been a minute.

I remember when I used to blog weekly.  That sweet, peaceful time during one of the 2-3 naps a day where I sat on the couch, cozy under a blanket, fresh cup of something to drink, candle lit, babies snoozing in their rockers or cribs and I just went to town on a blog post.  A post I hoped would reach someone who found it amusing, relatable or full of baby pictures (which let's be honest, is the best.)

I remember the days where my babies took those 2-3 naps... I remember them because life was moving at an "eat, play sleep" rhythm and things were "somewhat" predictable. 

That's not to say I don't have a rhythm now... I do.  I just feels different.  Feels loud and boisterous.  Messy.  Confusing.  Full of belly laughs, tickle fights, and snack after snack after snack (seriously... do toddlers EVER get full?)

Maggie is now 15+ months and the twins will be 4 in December.  The twins will start school after labor day, going two days a week.  So I know that our fall rhythm hasn't "hit" me yet, and maybe that's why I'm feeling weirdly out of it.  And maybe it's this crazy KC weather that has us inside during those 109℉ heat index days, longing for cooler weather.

There's also a new energy in our house.  The twins have moved on to more challenging activities and craving independence like candy.  And Maggie?  Not far behind- which is part of my frustration sometimes.  I feel like for most of her life so far, I've been just bringing her with to activities for the twins.  Not involving her.  When the twins were that age, I chose age appropriate places to take them and it was easy because they were both the same age.  Nowadays, its hard to feel like I can take the gang places and actually BE present with all of them.  Emmy and Bennett on an extremely interactive level and Maggie, trying to learn to get there but consistent with a 15 month old.  Some days, it works.  Others, it feels like a moving circus. 

I know I'm not the only one.  I know that.  And I know NO ONE is asking me to be supermom.  No one expects perfection.  I need to stop wishing Maggie to get older, because I wish I could go back to when Bennett and Emmy were so small.  I look at pictures of them at that age and I strain my mind to remember them.  I need to be content in the now because it's passing by so fast and I've never understood the saying "days are long but the years are short" more.

So to all those Mama's who feel like they aren't enough for all their kids- I've been there lately.  And I know none of this blog post is a "how to" or "tips for" because I haven't quite found what works for me yet.  But here's a start.

I've changed a few things, specifically the way I interact with Maggie and INVOLVE her in our days more.  Too many times, I felt busy with the twins and Maggie would be on the back burner.  And vice versa.  Learning to juggle all three of them, equally, or tailored to what their needs are, is something I am realizing will take some practice.  And not being so hard on myself.  Staying focused on my kids but not OVER focused where I question everything.  Giving myself multiple little breaks during the day, time to workout/ run and not forgetting to pray.  Prayer and meditation gives my mind clarity.  My purpose in life becomes clear.  I feel calm, I can think straight.  I recently went to Mass on my own for the Assumption and while I love sharing Mass with my family, it was incredibly peaceful and did wonders for my heart.  I think I will try to get to a daily mass alone once in awhile.

Anyways, happy pre-Friday friends.  Thursdays are one of my favorite days, as the weekend is so close I can taste it.  I hope KC keeps getting cooler, I am already in a full FALL mood.


PS: here's to getting in more pictures with my children.

Mama Realness

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

I've tried to be as transparent as I can on this blog.  I struggle to blog consistently, as balancing life with 3 kids keeps me going all the time.  But this society of "show and tell" on all forms of social media makes me want to just highlight things that make me human.  And that you don't see on my Insta Stories.

1. I stay up too late and struggle with mornings still.
I tell myself to go to bed at 10:00 each night and always end up finishing up my favorite shows on Netflix, cruising on my phone, painting my nails or just spending time with Alex.  Either way, I stay up too late doing things and regret it in the morning.  We always spend our mornings the same, twins have milk and dry cereal and get morning cartoons,  Maggie has her bottle and floor play, and I lay on the couch, waking myself up and having what are some of the funniest conversations with a couple of very energetic, very awake toddlers.  Guys, I have never been a real morning person.  I love coffee but I struggle in the mornings.  I am a "9:30am get my day going" kind of girl, and my kids can sense that.  On mornings that we don't have big plans, we lounge until around 9/9:30 (typically the time when MJ goes down for her first nap.  That's when I can focus on getting the twins dressed, brushing teeth, getting breakfast for them and starting them on an activity or project.  I know I have some work to do to be a better morning person.  Having kids is definitely a good start.

2.  I don't drink enough water and have a wicked sweet tooth.
I drink lots of coffee in the AM.  Lots.  And I always end up warring up my coffee 28 times before I finish it and its actually a rare day that I completely finish a cup.  I hate New Year's Resolutions but I know I don't drink enough water and I should.  Thinking about getting an app or something to help remind me.  I know I would feel better.  I don't beat myself up about this one, but I want to be better at it.  And at the end of the day, if I can't have a glass of wine, chocolate is my weakness.  It sometimes seems like a congratulatory treat for the day we had and keeping my children alive and safe.  You gotta do you.

3.  I yell at my kids.
I'm not perfect.  I don't yell all the time but I have lost it.  I've read countless articles on the effects of yelling at kids and one of my favorite reads was this one.  If you've never lost your cool as a parent, then honestly I want to know your secret.  Parenting is hard, and it's hard because of how much we care and want the best for our kids.  One of the most important things I do is sit my kids down and apologize if I lose my cool.  We talk about what happened, what we could do to avoid it and how it's ok to be frustrated at times.  When Emmy gets worked up about something, she tells us she needs to cool off and goes to her room, shuts the door, cools off and comes back downstairs to apologize for loosing her cool.  Guys, she just did this on her own one day and I was blown away by her ability to realize, I need to step away.  I've learned that maybe we all need this.  It works for her and I'm going to try and implement a version of that for myself (obviously not leaving all my kids alone while I retreat to my room, but you get it).

4.  Body adjustment is real and it takes me awhile.
After each pregnancy, I have had a period of "I won't ever wear normal jeans again" and "get rid of all my tight-fitted clothes."  A woman's changing body after kids is an emotional and physical rollercoaster, and I've been on it twice (and am still on it currently).  You are adjusting to your new role of taking care of a tiny human (or in some cases, multiple humans) as well as trying to accept your new body (that likely is being used to keep the humans alive) and it's a lot.  And again, in this world of "look how fast I bounced back to my pre-baby-weight" on all forms of social media, it is hard to not compare and look at where you should be.  Luckily there are accounts out there that highlight true postpartum life and there are people sharing how they are embracing their new body's.  But it's still hard.  And still a learning, growing and moving process for me.

5.  I question a lot.
Am I feeding my kids well?  Do I give them enough "different" and "educational" experiences?  Is this more than just a cough?  Am I feeding MJ enough solids?  Are my kids learning what they need to be learning?  Am I showing my kids a good example of being a good human being?  I could go on and on.  Being a Mom has led to lots of internal debates with myself about what to do next and how to raise my kids.  I know my ability to make a decision has become worse and worse as I've added kids and it's because I question things more.

There you have it.  These things make me human.  And while I am not proud of them at times, they make me who I am.  I am head over heels in love with my babies.  BUT, there are always areas of improvement in my life.  Areas to grow, learn from, etc.  I just want to share what is real in my life.  It's not always sunshine and rainbows over here, and that is MORE than okay.  It's okay to have those moments of being vulnerable, feeling like things are not in control, we've all felt that, its more common than you know.

One of my dear friends sent me a text with this link to an article.  It's about how asking for help, creating and curating relationships that help you and empower you as a Mom, and remembering that you are not alone in this "momming" thing.  She thanked me for being part of her village.  I don't think she knows how much I value her friendship and her steadfast consistency for always being there for me.  I remember trying to do everything on my own when the twins were born.  I don't know if it was because I wanted to prove I could do it?  But it got hard.  It got real.  And it got lonely.  Once  I pushed aside my feelings of pride, I was able to see life was better being part of several "villages" and I opened myself to it.

Alex and I recently watched the movie Eighth Grade on Netflix and it was so crazy to watch the life of an eight grader in this day and age.  It's not something I worry myself with now, the fact that one day I will have two eighth graders myself, but I do think often about the world they are growing up in.  I try to not let it run my life but I try to limit my time on my phone and social media, remain patient with them, be happy and positive, etc.  I try.  It's hard.  And I don't always succeed at those but I am trying and that is enough for me right now.

Be easy on yourself Mama's.

Until next time!  Below are pics to update you and get you through the week!

Library Fun!  We absolutely love the library and we have been exploring them all for the past 2 years... highly recommend for kiddos (even babies).  My kids LOVE going and we've made some awesome friends.

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