I remember when I used to blog weekly. That sweet, peaceful time during one of the 2-3 naps a day where I sat on the couch, cozy under a blanket, fresh cup of something to drink, candle lit, babies snoozing in their rockers or cribs and I just went to town on a blog post. A post I hoped would reach someone who found it amusing, relatable or full of baby pictures (which let's be honest, is the best.)
I remember the days where my babies took those 2-3 naps... I remember them because life was moving at an "eat, play sleep" rhythm and things were "somewhat" predictable.
That's not to say I don't have a rhythm now... I do. I just feels different. Feels loud and boisterous. Messy. Confusing. Full of belly laughs, tickle fights, and snack after snack after snack (seriously... do toddlers EVER get full?)
Maggie is now 15+ months and the twins will be 4 in December. The twins will start school after labor day, going two days a week. So I know that our fall rhythm hasn't "hit" me yet, and maybe that's why I'm feeling weirdly out of it. And maybe it's this crazy KC weather that has us inside during those 109℉ heat index days, longing for cooler weather.
There's also a new energy in our house. The twins have moved on to more challenging activities and craving independence like candy. And Maggie? Not far behind- which is part of my frustration sometimes. I feel like for most of her life so far, I've been just bringing her with to activities for the twins. Not involving her. When the twins were that age, I chose age appropriate places to take them and it was easy because they were both the same age. Nowadays, its hard to feel like I can take the gang places and actually BE present with all of them. Emmy and Bennett on an extremely interactive level and Maggie, trying to learn to get there but consistent with a 15 month old. Some days, it works. Others, it feels like a moving circus.
I know I'm not the only one. I know that. And I know NO ONE is asking me to be supermom. No one expects perfection. I need to stop wishing Maggie to get older, because I wish I could go back to when Bennett and Emmy were so small. I look at pictures of them at that age and I strain my mind to remember them. I need to be content in the now because it's passing by so fast and I've never understood the saying "days are long but the years are short" more.
So to all those Mama's who feel like they aren't enough for all their kids- I've been there lately. And I know none of this blog post is a "how to" or "tips for" because I haven't quite found what works for me yet. But here's a start.
I've changed a few things, specifically the way I interact with Maggie and INVOLVE her in our days more. Too many times, I felt busy with the twins and Maggie would be on the back burner. And vice versa. Learning to juggle all three of them, equally, or tailored to what their needs are, is something I am realizing will take some practice. And not being so hard on myself. Staying focused on my kids but not OVER focused where I question everything. Giving myself multiple little breaks during the day, time to workout/ run and not forgetting to pray. Prayer and meditation gives my mind clarity. My purpose in life becomes clear. I feel calm, I can think straight. I recently went to Mass on my own for the Assumption and while I love sharing Mass with my family, it was incredibly peaceful and did wonders for my heart. I think I will try to get to a daily mass alone once in awhile.
Anyways, happy pre-Friday friends. Thursdays are one of my favorite days, as the weekend is so close I can taste it. I hope KC keeps getting cooler, I am already in a full FALL mood.
Peace,
Lauren
PS: here's to getting in more pictures with my children.
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