Being Me

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Being a mom changes a person.  And before you say, yeah... no shit, let me tell you my side of things.

I've wanted to be a mom since I was like 3.  I kid you not.  I would carry around baby dolls, as most little girls do, but I honestly believed I was that baby doll's true mama.  There are even home video's of a tiny Lauren, sitting in her tiny rocking chair, rocking a baby doll to sleep.  It's been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember.

TBT to 1991, when I was feeling the twins with crib life.
I think I squeezed my little sister more than anyone in the world before the babies were born.  Don't you think Emmy kind of looks like her a bit?  That button nose...
Anna's face is priceless.  Also, my hair is on another level.
The day Anna was born, I was at the hospital and was given this nurses hat.  I immediately became BFF's with Anna but occasionally would have to ask my Dad, "what's that girl's name again?"  Oh the funny sayings of 2 1/2 year olds.
The older I got, I still knew I couldn't wait to have babies.  I wanted SO BADLY to know what that felt like, to create a human and grow them inside of you.  I mean, that's incredible.  When Alex and I found out we were pregnant, I was shocked at first, it only being a month after our wedding, but once it really hit me, I was ecstatic.  Little did I know, we would be bringing 2 tiny humans into the world some 36 weeks and 4 days later.

Being Emmy and Bennett's mom has been nothing short of the best blessing in my life, next to being married to Alex.  But like I said, it's changed me.  When I take the babies out somewhere, to a dinner at someones house, or on a trip like last weekend, I find myself putting my needs, wants, desires, aside and focusing on the babies.  I know that's exactly what you are supposed to do as a mom... but it sometimes has me realizing that I'm not always present in my conversations with people.  I have 10 things running through my head while doing anything out of the house with the babies.

I find that I spend alot of time on the floor with the babies.  I like our floor time, it gets me down to their level, to view the world from where they are.  
Our attempt at a selfie again, this is normally how these photo shoots go.

My sweet, happy boy.
FINALLY, although a bit blurry, I really like this one, and these two make me so happy.
For example, if someone wants to grab lunch with me and tells me to bring the babies, I know that while I'm there, my conversation would not be focused as it would be if I went alone.  I would be constantly looking at the babies and waiting for a freak out or for one of them to grab a plate and it smash to the floor, etc.  Going places socially with the babies just isn't an option, unless I have another set of hands.  And that set of hands has to know the babies.  It's hard to explain, but some people just aren't baby people.  Like, they don't know how to hold, soothe, or comfort them.  I'm not trying to be rude, just real.  If I don't have that support with me, it ends up being me just trying to pass the babies back and forth, giving the calm baby away and taking the cranky baby.  I'm not sure if that even makes sense but just stick with me.

So, since people like lists... here are the top 3 things that I think changed about me once I became a mama...

1.  My sense of time and time management.  A while back, Alex and I were talking about how we were doing as parents and how things had changed for us.  While we both agreed that we absolutely loved it, we also agreed on the fact that our time never felt our own.  And it's true.  Alex used to like to get a workout in after work at the school, but now he has to come home to relieve me if I have to go to work.  I used to LOVE to meet people, spur of the moment, out for a coffee, lunch, etc but that changes with 2 permanent sidekicks (as you read above).  Time seems to also move at the speed of sound.  Last week, Emmy was just learning to crawl around and yesterday, she pulled herself to standing for the first time.  Like, WHAT IS THIS?  If I start really thinking about time ticking away and life moving forward, I get freaked out.  So for now, a focus on the present is what my mantra is.

2. My focus.  I talked about this earlier in the post.  I just notice that my presence is lacking in conversations sometimes and I am actively telling myself to pay attention, focus, etc... I want nothing more than to show the people I am with that I am hearing them, am interested in their lives and what's going on... But it gets difficult.  It's hard work to keep friendships afloat when you're simultaneously raised babies.  Ah life, crazy life.

3. My self image.  It's getting better, each week.  Yoga has helped immensely.  That is for sure.  (See below).  I couldn't be more proud to have carried my babies to 36+ weeks but having babies takes a toll on the body and I am still regaining my confidence.  Everyone is their own worst critic.  That I know.

W o r k i n g   O n   M e...
I have just recently started a 30 days of yoga challenge on YouTube (Yoga with Adriene) and it's been a great new workout for me not only physically, but mentally.  I had tried yoga before and liked it but never thought of challenging myself and using yoga as my full workout.  Plus, after only doing it for a little over a week now, I haven't felt this good about my body image in a long time!  I just feel more energized, present in each day and focused.  I have never been a morning workout person.  Ever.  Hate it.  I would rather stay in my pj's until at least 10 am and just lounge.  BUT... I have started doing my yoga during their morning nap (around 8am) and it's been good!  It's not a strenuous, cardio heavy workout, so I can dig it.  Anyways, here's her channel here if you want to try it out.

The older the babies get, things get different, sometimes harder, sometimes better.  I know the dynamics of doing ANYTHING will even change more when they get mobile and I'm chasing after the hooligans.  Thanks for tuning in for this personal post about me.  Sorry to take away focus from why we are all here:  Emmy and Bennett.  But it's so important to know who's writing behind these posts, so I shared.  Thanks for following us on this journey!  There's so much more to come...

Taken from snapchat, I caught her standing for the first time.  My heart stopped, of course, as she seemed so high up! Alex lowered it to the lowest rung and now, she's a low rider.
This was taken when the babies were sick and snuggled under the same covers.  I just died when they cuddled up next to each other and watched Pooh that morning.
UGH my heart is exploding!
Finally playing together nicely!  Lately, they have been playing a bit rough together, throwing hands and falling into each other.  I need to supervise playtime pretty closely now so they don't hurt each other. 

Until next week,


  1. Amen sister! I totally get you! I have struggled with always feeling like I am scatter brained when with others and kids are in tow. I feel like I can't focus on conversations and that is frustrating! Your words also ring true with going out with the kiddos. The expectation of what the time is going to look like has to be different and not often an energy restorer.
    Your doing great mama!! Soak in all those precious moments.

    1. Totally! Thank you for your support :) it's so great to know I'm not the only one feeing that way! Being a mom is the most rewarding job in the world, but one of the toughest. Thanks for reading!


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